Reflections

I write this now, right after i lay down in a shallow puddle of water and let the rain fall on me and the clouds soar in the sky. It was really peaceful. Screaming kids aside I actually felt happy in a way I haven't felt in sometime (i.e. minus the alcohol induced euphoria or without a hot slightly drunk girl in my arms).

I guess the happiness made me reflect on what I've achieved so far in my life. Got a job, got a little savings, lived on my own for a while, controlled my drinking binges, quit smoking cold turkey and a few more little things that I'm quite happy about. Unfortunately what inevitably follows a reflection on the good in your life is the string of unaccomplished dreams or mistakes that haunt you.

I don't have a girl friend or anything resembling one, I lack serious career advancement opportunities, my living situation currently is very dependent, my savings can go very quickly, plus I have no friends (this is an exaggeration to some extent) and my life generally sucks a lot.

Anyhow, coming back to my lying down in the rain scenario. While it was generally peaceful and serene, I realised that I have nothing very important going for me at that moment. I live in country that is small and that in itself is its greatest weakness, because its size makes advancement an issue and it is surrounded by poorer countries that see it as a cash cow, but they generally get stuck doing menial labour and being taken advantage of by the Singaporeans. That is unless you're an expat and you get paid for the inconvenience of having to work in Singapore. I wish I was an expat, because while i do qualify as an expat under the general definition of the term, my salary and benefits don't exactly reflect that.

So why do I have to muse about this while lying down in a shallow pool of water with rain drops starting to smack me in the face. I normally would enjoy this so much, especially the cool raindrops smacking me as well as the silence that ensues when your ears are submerged. Now as I sit here typing this I miss the silence the night brought me as well as the happiness I initially felt. Maybe i wasn't meant to be a working member of society fighting to the top, teeming with ambition and visions of grandeur. Maybe all i do need is a tent on a beach, some food and a pretty girl by my side. Who knows this could be what I need right now.

A wise man once said, "why work hard to achieve the means to get something you already have". I don't think he meant my situation exactly, but it is applicable.

Peace.