Singaporean slang - a guide to

I've just bought a brand new laptop cos my old one was breaking into pieces and it was tearing me apart to see the old girl struggle day by day. I'll miss the old girl Shirley, but now I upgraded to a better model and her name is Sherri. This is practice for when I am older and much richer.

Anyhow I have been assaulted by a barrage of Singaporean slang these past few days simply because the people I am surrounded by seem to think it is funny to mumble these phrases and idioms to piss me off. I now have trouble controlling my rage when hearing the terms "Blur like sotong" or "Eat snake" or my all time favourite "can, cannot". I hate all of these as well as the usual "lah" at the end of everything they say, "Come on, lah", "Please, lah", Can i help you, lah", You know, lah"... You get my drift.

To better help those not very familiar with Singaporean slang, these are the meanings to the harder to translate words:
Blur like sotong: to be blur in Singapore, means to be a dazed or to use a more commonly used slang, have a blonde moment. So to use the full term, it means to have a blonde moment like a squid. (Sotong means squid). The squid reference is used because of their defense mechanism, which is to trigger an ink spurt to disguise their getaway.

Eat snake: this is a direct translation from some chinese saying. This generally refers to someone who wants to skip or avoid work in some manner, often used in the following manner: "He was so lazy, he kept on tryingto eat snake"

The word "Can and Cannot": again this is another direct translation from Chinese where the word is used in somewhat of a correct manner, but it just sounds odd. Its a simple way of saying yes or no. Can means yes, cannot means no. It is often used together in a simple phrase like "Can, cannot". This simply means "Can you or can't you do something for me". I hate it with all my heart when people say those words.

There are so many Singaporean slang terms out there, I would be writing this blog for a few days straight just to put down all of the terms I've heard and apparently I don't even know the half of it.

I'm not saying other countries don't have terribly irritating slang terms as well, take Sri Lanka for instance, the use of the word "men" after everything is a direct parallel to the word "lah" over here. And the terms "aney" and "chee" are just as irritating as "lah" and "walau" can ever be.

I mean you'll most likely know some slang that really irritates you too, but you have to live with it. Unless you go slightly insane and then stab the next person who says it.

(disclaimer: I, in no way, condone or promote any form of violence that could somehow result in me receiving a fine or any form of punishment)

Peace...