Changes...

I've been trying to wrap my head around the many changes in my life. I feel assaulted by the crushing weight that each change brings upon me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it apparently other than wait and see... God I hate that phrase...

I often find that when I feel bad or nervous about something its because I worry about the effect it will have on other people. Sometimes I worry that all I'm feeling is actually what I think I need to be feeling, while in fact I'm empty inside. This is especially worrying.

Maybe its because I can distance myself from everything happening around me and become a neutral observer. This sounds just fine, but its a weird sensation not feeling even an ounce of sadness and regret when someone close to you is affected. But I can manage this sometimes and it worries me...

So now when I am making major decisions in my life and I worry how this will affect others, I start to wonder if I really care or if I just feel I need to...

Peace.