Alien in Singapore

Jumpstarting my life again

2012-02-06T23:09:00.000-08:00

Well things have been going well for me so far. No emotional breakdowns, no alcoholic binges ending up with me hating myself the next day and a lot less anger. But here I am starting to try and change that again. Why you bastard, why must you do this - screams my inner voice.

I'll tell you why. I am getting complacent again. I need that proverbial kick in the arse to get off it and do something. I guess that something is going to Phuket for an alcohol fueled trip interspersed with good food and the sun.

This is what I remember about the place and ask yourself. How can I not want to go there?

So let's hope this happens. Work, life and general issues are making this way more difficult than it has to be and it makes me mad.

Come on Phuket, you know you want me there!

Peace.

Small bump

2012-02-05T22:57:00.000-08:00

That blog title is a reference to a song I happen to have on repeat on my phone. Its by an artist called Ed Sheeran, who by my rather odd standards is a fucking brilliant musician. Here is the song:

Small Bump by Ed Sheeran

Well if you watched the video, you'd understand what I mean.

But here's why its relevant to me. Do a quick search on YouTube for his songs, Drunk, A-Team and Lego House. He has released these songs and after listening to them for a day, I started to feel sad. It takes a special artist to make me feel sad, or at least a really consistently emo artist. However he's a brilliant musician, which is what makes me listen to him everyday.

His music reminds me of how I reacted to specific instances in my life and once you identify with a song, you're fucked. You're gonna love it forever.

It also doesn't phase me that he's a soulless Ginger. Scary as!

Well how will this work now that I have started to blog again. Will I make it a mindless music/life/PR/author type blog. Who the fuck cares, just read it if you want to, because unfortunately this blog contains more truth about myself than I can honestly handle.

Bugger.

Peace.

Revelations

2011-11-22T02:12:00.001-08:00

I put that blog title for the simple reason that I have absolutely nothing to say. I mean I could talk about my impending house shifting, my new job, my alcoholism, but in all honesty I don't feel like it. So here goes an attempt to write a completely nonsensical blog post about absolutely nothing.

I fucking hate myself.

Ok, so I may have some other issues, which I do not and shall not get into right now, but suffice to say that I think I need to get some inspiration in my life, because while I am not miserable, I am missing something. So what do I need? I don't bloody know.

Seriously, I fucking hate myself right now.

I think I need a break from my life. Not a holiday, but more of a break from reality for a bit. I have been reading and watching some trippy stuff, so let's just say I have been mind fucked several times in the past few months, so I have been doubting my sanity. A lot.

Sad panda......

Anyhow this was just to add a post after a very short hiatus.

Peace.

ps. I got a Samsung Galaxy S2. I love it.

I won't let you go

2011-11-17T23:11:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wonder about the logic behind my blog titles and hell, I wonder about my sanity. I realised I talk solid game, but have a lot of trouble following what I preach.

There is no specific reason behind this post other than the fact I am struggling to get back to the way I was. Slightly emo and angry, instead of how I am now: very emo and very angry.

A bit dramatic I know, but I am getting that itch, which means I need to leave the country soon. Probably gonna look at a short weekend trip somewhere filled with alcohol and sadness. The usual in other words. Let's get this sorted out soon, so I can actually begin to enjoy getting up again. Fuck this shit.

Here's to you life, you dumb bastard. You have now officially ruined my twenties with making life serious.

Fuck.

Peace.

A boy meets a girl (part 2)

2011-11-14T22:03:00.001-08:00

Here's part 2 of what I wrote during my drunken/emo phase.

....................

Let’s say the boy’s name is Bob. He’s a simple guy, has his ups and downs, highs and lows. He doesn’t think today is going to be special, because frankly it is never special. Bob just drifts through life.

To say Bob was ordinary was an understatement. He was, for lack of a better word, ‘bleah’. He wasn’t ugly, he wasn't handsome, he was ‘bleah’. So he never expected much to come out of life. he dated girls who were plain, rather boring, but easy. He had friends, who at best were only slightly less ‘bleah’ than him.

That’s saying a lot.

So when he walked out of his door and stepped into the elevator, imagine his shock when he saw a girl.

He wasn’t shocked because a girl was sharing his lift, he was surprised simply by the fact that she took his breath away.

She didn’t notice him at first because he seemed to melt into the shadows of the elevator. Not that there are any shadows, but Bob’s not the most impressive guy. What Bob didn’t know was that she generally is in her own world, which is why he was ignored.

The girl’s name was Mary or something along those lines. She was hot, smart and friendly. Everything Bob wanted.

Switching back to the elevator, Bob started to perspire slightly and finally plucked up the courage to say something. He said, “Ah.”

“Excuse me?”, Mary queried.

“Ah, hi..”, said Bob again struggling to put something forth, that did not make him sound like a moron.

He failed.

Instead of the expected look of disgust and ‘hmph’, she smiled.

Bob fell in love.

1 year passed by.

....................

Peace

Sad songs always come back to haunt you...

2011-11-14T21:58:00.001-08:00

After realising that sad music makes me, well... sad, I have limited the number of songs I listen to from certain artists like the Script or Snow Patrol. Then I found Adele and the like.

So what should I do? Listen to these melancholic tunes or stick to club tracks and shuffle on the train. Either way I feel like an idiot.

To be honest the sad songs don't really affect me much anymore, but I do get the occasional twinge of unhappiness caused by an excessively sad song such as Some like you - Adele, Nothing - The Script or You Could be Happy - Snow Patrol. Sad songs. Really sad songs.

But I like sad songs, because of the emotion in them and it is through that I can identify and even be inspired. So bring it on sad songs, this time I won't lose.

Now excuse me all, while I find a box of tissues and listen to some sad tunes.

Peace.

Things need to change

2011-11-09T22:42:00.000-08:00

I am in desperate need of a change of scenery. I need to get up and walk away from it all here. The weird thing is, there is nothing bad happening, its just that there is nothing. Its pretty empty and will continue to be empty for the time-being.

I'm being self-destructive nowadays and letting little stupid things get to me. Insignificant details bother. Hells, I'm even wondering what the fuck am I gonna do for new years. I mean I have no plans, no ideas, so this is bugging me.

My impending move is also stressing me out. I hate shifting and I will get no help at all at the start, so its going to be just as stressful.

I feel as though my tenuous grip to reality is slowly cracking under the pressure of everything non-work-related. A bit over-the-top I know, but I sometimes feel like I am drowning under the strain. Maybe I'll feel better when I am out of this country and living somewhere I can feel more comfortable.

While I regret overstaying here in Singapore, I don't regret most of the friends I've made here and these people are the only good things I can take from here. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame Singapore or Singaporeans, but I don't feel comfortable here. I have become more cynical and angry, but I still believe in being happy and I haven't given up hope. Nope, not gonna happen, just realised, it won't be happening here.

The only good news, is that I am flying to Malaysia this weekend, so I am thinking this will be an amazing trip. Not because Malaysia is all that, but because I genuinely need this and will hopefully be the everything I need right now. Just relaxing with no fucking worries and no incessant hassle from people.

Here's something to show you how I'm feeling. We only have so much time left.

Peace

A boy meets a girl (part 1)

2011-11-07T22:25:00.000-08:00

I said I would put in some of my writing that I did while I was either drunk or out of it. Hopefully its not as bad as I think it is, so here goes nothing. Part 1 of 'A boy meets a girl'.

This is just bits and pieces of something I wrote while I was going through a difficult time. Personally I hate it, because it takes me back a bit, but in a way this is still the best and easiest way to let it all go...

..............................

Prologue

This is not an autobiography.

This is a simple story of how a boy meets a girl, falls in love and loses her. A tragic tale of love and eventual loss.

This is a sad story.

They say that every love story has a happy ending, be it with the original characters staying together or a more suitable match being made.

This is not such a story.

Real life never has a happy ending.

..............................

Peace

Random - Wrote you a letter

2011-11-07T05:56:00.000-08:00

Here is something I wrote ages ago and for some reason never published. Its incompletel, but still strikes me as something I wrote during a bad time or possibly a sign that I knew the bad times were coming.

..............................

I sometimes lack the ability to say what I feel. The words stay stagnant within my throat as I mumble incoherently. Stuttering is my friend.

Each time I open my mouth to say something important, I struggle to get it all out. My throat constricts.

So I wrote you a letter. To say exactly what I feel without having to actually say these words out loud.

.................................

The sadness is still there.

Peace.

Here we go again

2011-11-07T05:52:00.000-08:00

Looks like I'm regressing again. For some reason stress is making me angry all the time and I am starting to retreat to an earlier time in my life (say about 5 months ago). That being said, my life does not resemble that time, so its making me angrier.

Stupid isn't it? Well that's how I roll apparently. I am actually really worried about my sanity sometimes. I already hallucinate when exhausted, so I think I have issues. Blackouts aside, because those have been happening for ages, I think I am slightly bipolar.

I am worried this will also manifest physically, with getting sick and all of that. This just shits on my life doesn't it.

Well the good part is that I am acknowledging this and trying to move past it. Rather than just sit back and let it happen, I can actually take preventive measures. Right now I don't know what the preventive measures are, so I am slightly fucked.

Well in a few weeks, I should be on the way back to Sri Lanka to see good friends and my folks, so maybe I'll figure it out then. Sometimes I do wish I had someone to talk to about this, but to be honest this is not easy to explain, because I don't quite understand this myself. The rage that affects my entire family is also becoming a problem, since I recently punched a hole into my bed (the wooden underneath) when I punched the bed in anger. Apparently I hit hard enough for it to splinter. That is both cool and worrying at the same time.

I will be monitoring myself to see if I need to get help with that.

Anyhows this isn't a major setback I hope, its more of another small bump in the road.

Peace.